4 Tips for Dealing with Overly Offended Defensive People.
FINALLY! We have an answer to the internet age-old
- Why do people verbally attack me when I am simply stating my opinions or having an honest conversation with them?
When people are drowning in hurt and pain they wish only for someone to understand them. They wish this above all and at any cost.I believe wholly and truly that people always act in a way that makes them feel safe. If you are a person with narcissistic personality traits, trauma, PTSD, anxiety, or any other condition, you are no exception to this rule.
1 in 13 Children exit childhood with PTSD.
26% of women who have given birth have PTSD.
1 in 3 women has been sexually assaulted.
Estimates say 5% of Americans have PTSD.
THERE ARE A LOT OF HURT PEOPLE WALKING AROUND OUR WORLD.
If you are a hurt person you may interpret things that people say as personal assaults. You are equally susceptible to unintentionally get offending or hurting people by the things you say.
This goes both ways here. Take nothing personally. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle. Most of our inner workings and private struggles are never made public. You have no idea what happened during someone’s say or someone’s life to make them reactor respond the way they do.
- Remember, everything people say is only about them and never about you.
People who are hurt are just like anyone else. They are just like you. They are just like me.People seek validation as a way to make sense of life. It helps them make sense of what is going on in their world, and it helps them feel safe.
Your neighbor’s words, fears, and emotions are NOT your responsibility. Remember that people are acting in a way that makes them feel safe. Their words aren’t about you, they are about their own personal feelings.
Next time someone says something hurtful to you, take yourself out of the equation. Look at their words without getting emotions involved. Ask them for clarity if necessary, and take as much time as you need to react and respond.
- It’s just sickness.
Don’t get too offended by the pain, words, and actions of others. Often times its just sick people being sick and pained.Emotional pain is just as rational and valid as physical pain. It is a sickness.
Give grace to yourself and to others that you are interacting with.
Again, by taking yourself out of the equation you may begin to realize a few things. First, this situation is not about you. Second, the hurt people are expressing is not about you and was not caused by you. Third, people who are overly offended and defensive walk around the world feeling attacked and unsafe. (Which again. Has nothing to do with you.)
- Don’t get sucked into emotional labor that you are not getting paid for, that you have no desire to do.
Just a friendly piece of advice from one healer to another:It’s a normal response for healers and empathetic people to have an emotional response to the pain of others. We have SOOO much love for people.
But you aren’t getting paid to unpack someone else’s emotional hurt. We have enough to deal with in everyday life without taking on the emotional burdens of our community.
FOR TOO LONG women, especially, have been doing emotional labor for free. When someone tells you that they are feeling hurt by something completely unoffensive, you don’t have to defend yourself. You don’t owe this person anything. You don’t have to apologize for your thoughts, feelings, or opinions.Adult humans should be healthy enough to bear their own emotional burdens.
If they are not your children, you don’t have emotional responsibility for them. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t have the head space to help friends, partners, or co-workers unpack their emotions triggers.